There was time when you used to feel your brain working. When you could foresee into the Markov chain. You could think, and even act. You knew what you wanted.

Things aren't quite the same now. You obviously cannot recall when it changed, but you just wish that it went back to normal. You make conscious effort to keep your interests alive by involving yourself into stuff that you used to like, and it is not that you don't like it now. It is just that- you don't feel anything missing even if you are not involved in it. Everything looks gray. Everything looks autonomous. But you know that it is not.